Adoption | To Tell or Not to Tell: Is NEVER a Question

Back in the day, adoption was extremely taboo to talk about.  The vast majority of people did not tell anyone that they had adopted their children.  Women would even go as far as stuffing their shirts with rags to make it look as if they were pregnant themselves before adopting a child.  And in most cases, they didn’t even tell the child that they were adopted.  Luckily we have grown a little further than this as a society now.  However, I have still been asked, “Are you going to tell your girls that they are adopted?”  To tell or not to tell is NEVER a question.  

Of course I will tell my girls that they were adopted.  If a child is born blind and has never seen the color of their skin, would you not tell him his race?  Would you not teach him about his background? 

Of course not.  To tell or not to tell is never a question.

It is his heritage just as my daughters’ heritage is their biological family.  It is part of them.  I would never hide that fact from them.   

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More commonly, however, I get asked, “When are you going to tell your girls that they are adopted?”

The answer to that is simple…

 They will always know of their adoption. 

They will process the information differently at every age/learning stage, but they will always know.  For example, my oldest daughter is almost 2 ½.  I show her pictures of her birth mother and father on a regular basis so that she is familiar with their faces.  When I show them to her she points at them and says, “a mommy and a daddy”.  Right now she is at a stage where every adult male is a daddy and female is a mommy, but I tell her she is right.  That is her mommy and daddy too. 

As my girls get older they will have more questions and I will be more than willing to answer any/all to the best of my ability.  Luckily, our adoptions are not closed so their birth families will be there as well for them to ask any questions they may have throughout their lives. 

My only wish for my daughters is for them to know that being adopted is not something to be ashamed of.  It just means that they have double the love and support around them.  

The only thing to be ashamed of concerning adoption would be choosing to not tell a child that they were adopted.  That is selfishly withholding the love their birth families have for them as well as part of their identity.  And that is a tragedy.  

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