Adoption | To Tell or Not to Tell: Is NEVER a Question
Back in the day, adoption was extremely taboo to talk about. The vast majority of people did not tell anyone that they had adopted their children. Women would even go as far as stuffing their shirts with rags to make it look as if they were pregnant themselves before adopting a child. And in most cases, they didn’t even tell the child that they were adopted. Luckily we have grown a little further than this as a society now. However, I have still been asked, “Are you going to tell your girls that they are adopted?” To tell or not to tell is NEVER a question.
Of course I will tell my girls that they were adopted. If a child is born blind and has never seen the color of their skin, would you not tell him his race? Would you not teach him about his background?
Of course not. To tell or not to tell is never a question.
It is his heritage just as my daughters’ heritage is their biological family. It is part of them. I would never hide that fact from them.
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More commonly, however, I get asked, “When are you going to tell your girls that they are adopted?”
The answer to that is simple…
They will always know of their adoption.
They will process the information differently at every age/learning stage, but they will always know. For example, my oldest daughter is almost 2 ½. I show her pictures of her birth mother and father on a regular basis so that she is familiar with their faces. When I show them to her she points at them and says, “a mommy and a daddy”. Right now she is at a stage where every adult male is a daddy and female is a mommy, but I tell her she is right. That is her mommy and daddy too.
As my girls get older they will have more questions and I will be more than willing to answer any/all to the best of my ability. Luckily, our adoptions are not closed so their birth families will be there as well for them to ask any questions they may have throughout their lives.
My only wish for my daughters is for them to know that being adopted is not something to be ashamed of. It just means that they have double the love and support around them.
The only thing to be ashamed of concerning adoption would be choosing to not tell a child that they were adopted. That is selfishly withholding the love their birth families have for them as well as part of their identity. And that is a tragedy.
My adoption literature suggestions:
Other adoption literature:
39 Comments
Ana
I agree with you, kids have every right to know the truth not only about adoption but about everything. Often times, parents withhold information in effort to not “hurt” their children but the reality is, we must expose them to life as it is and let them make their own decisions about it. I know most of us mean well but children come equipped to thrive, we must trust and encourage them. Great post, thank you for sharing!
Marysa
I never thought about this, but it makes sense that adoption has become more common and open.
Puja Kumari
This is a great story. In my country, India, people are not so sure about adoption. Here, people rarely involve in adoption.
Shawn E
I have always thought that knowing the sacrifice and love of both the birth mother and adoptive mother can only give the child more of an understanding of love and compassion as they start their beautiful life. To me, adopted is just an adjective used to describe a very loved human! ❤
#adoptedandblessed
pacioalita
This is such a valuable post. Thank for sharing
Gervin Khan
This post gives a lot of values and enlightenment to everyone. I must agree that every child should know everything about their adoption and the adopted parents should always be willing to answer their questions.