I Identify as I

This weekend my husband and I listened to our church’s service via Facebook Live while we were on a walk in our neighborhood with our daughter and our dogs. The message our pastor preached is what inspired this post. He was talking about identity and the ways in which we identify ourselves. A few of the ways we tend to identify ourselves that he mentioned were:

1. We Identify as our Job

Many of us allow our job titles to define us. I know that I was guilty of thinking this in the past. For example, I left a few jobs because I didn’t want to be defined as “Briana the bartender” or “Briana the clerk”. I didn’t want society to see me as that. Naively, I did not look at the bigger picture and see what those positions did and could truly allow me to do. Instead, I left in search of a position that I could be proud of because it would be a position that impressed people. (Spoiler alert: I never found it.)

For other people, this could look different. It could be the opposite. Maybe you have the “dream job” that society admires. However, society doesn’t think about the sacrifices you make for it. Maybe you spent hundreds of thousands of dollars getting a degree to do your job and will be paying off student loans until you die. Or maybe you work 60+ hours a week and never see your family. You may also travel a lot and so you never create long-term relationships. Or you could just simply hate your job but you feel that you can’t leave because that is who you are. But…

What if you lose your job?

What if you leave your job?

Who are you then?

2. Our “Status” Identifies Us

Our status can be defined in several ways.

It can be your relationship status: single, engaged, married.

Or it can be the number of followers you have on social media. Speaking of social media, it can also be the way you are portrayed through your posts on social media. You may only post the “perfect family pictures” and all the good things that are happening in your life. However, in the real world you may be struggling and just really want to talk about it. But you don’t because you don’t want to appear “weak”.

It can be the amount of money you “appear” to be making. Maybe we don’t have the dream job and we aren’t trying to find it to identify ourselves. But instead, we try to make it look as though the job that we do have provides enough for us to live the life we want. So we buy the huge house, the fancy car, ALL the gadgets, the clothes, the vacations, etc… However, no one sees the amount of credit card debt we are in our attempt to “keep us with the Jones”. No one else feels the soul-crushing anxiety over trying to figure out a way to make ends meet.

Is it worth it?

3. Our “Roles” are our Identity

Are you a mom, dad, grandparent? Do you fear not being “the perfect [insert role here]”? If you are the “perfect mom” and your child acts up in public, throws a fit, embarrasses you, etc… is your identity as a “perfect parent” ruined?

4. We Identify by our Sexuality

• Gay
• Straight
• Bi-sexual
• Transgender
• Etc..

5. Our Generation/Age Defines Us

• Baby Boomer
• Generation Z
• Millennial
• Etc…

6. Our Race is How We Identify

• White
• Black
• Asian
• Latin
• Etc…

7. Our Talents Define Us

Maybe you are an incredible dancer, singer, athlete, photographer. You could be a baker make amazing cakes. Or maybe you’re a seamstress and sew insane apparel. Whatever your talent may be if you allow it to define you that may be all you are known for. For example, I used to be an Irish dancer. I grew up competing with the McGing Irish Dancers and then I was lucky enough to go on tour with Trinity Irish Dance Company. I was Briana the dancer. When I stopped dancing I felt that I had lost a limb. Part of me was gone. That was because I used dancing as part of my identity.

8. Our Struggles become who we are. We are the face of…

• divorce
• bankruptcy
• infertility
• cancer/illness
• learning disability
• addiction
• abuse
• etc…

Yes, all of these thing are part of us. However, the point that our pastor was trying to make was that by themselves they do not define us. They are not our identity. Only God knows our whole, true identity. However, we do have the option to show some of our true selves to the world. We can do this through vulnerability.

Vulnerability is scary. And it takes incredible strength. It’s the act of exposing ourselves to possibility of getting hurt or emotionally attacked. However, if one can face their fears and display their imperfections for the world to see then the world has the opportunity to listen and to learn and to grow in knowledge and in compassion. We must understand that we are not the first nor are we the only ones struggling. If we can humble ourselves and expose our faults/weaknesses/misfortunes/disabilities then someone else that has/is struggling in the same manner can learn that they are not alone. And those that may face the same struggle(s) in the future can be prepared for what is to come with the knowledge of your experience. Hence, they may struggle just a little bit less.

I started Struggle Shuttle for this reason. I wanted to break out of the natural habit of defining myself as something I struggle with. Instead, I am exposing those struggles so that others can connect with me through them and learn from them. I launched my blog with Baker Party of Four and it is still my most viewed post because my vulnerability in it. This adoption is not a sure thing at this point and if it doesn’t go through then all the fears I had before posting it to the world will come true…and it will hurt. However, if someone else is in the same boat as me and can learn that they are not alone then my sacrifice was worth it. I’ll take my chances…

#makevulnerabilitythenewnormal #stopfakingittillyoumakeit #tryuntilyoudie #weareallinthistogether #nolabels #iidentifyasi

“Today you are you,

That is truer than true,

There is no one alive,

That is Youer than YOU.”

-Dr. Suess